Faith and pain

This week brings to me a great challenge.  When I lost my job in June, I filed for unemployment and expected no trouble with my claim.  Two months on – still no income of any sort.  Whether it be EDD or my former employer, I don’t know (though I suspect the latter), but my claim was denied.  I filed an appeal, and this Friday is my hearing.

Does it ever seem that pain in this world is unceasing?  That your troubled heart and mind will never find joy?  I do have faith that things will be found in my favor, that I will again have income whether it be unemployment or work.  But there have been times when I wondered if my troubles will ever cease, if I will ever have continual peace – if I will ever stop feeling pain.

In this life, who knows.  But God is faithful¹, and in eternity I will feel no pain and not remember any pain I’ve experienced in this life.  I Corinthians 2 says we can’t imagine all the joy we will have, the things we will see and experience.  Isaiah 65:17 says:

For behold, I create new heavens and a new earth;

and the former shall not be remembered or come to mind.

Just a few of the things I am thankful for today:

1. A next door neighbor’s home was broken into yesterday, and jewelry stolen. I am thankful this house is safe.
2. God gives me His strength.
3. It is a sunny morning.
4. I can express love to others through cross stitch.
5. I get to experience God by working in my garden today.
6. A great volunteer opportunity – a nearby community garden
7. As I was volunteering yesterday, I was able to help someone with a couple questions
8. Color
9. Dvd’s from the library
10. Books
11. Clara Bell, my housemate’s dog
12. I’ve been able to save a lot on gas by driving slower
13. God forgives, always

Clare didn’t care to have a camera pointed at her

Have a wonderful and blessed week!

1. I Corinthians 1:9
2. I Corinthians 2:9

The Complete Love Relationship

image found on Google images

Think of the last time you were new to a group or situation; it can be very awkward, can’t it?  Or, think of a time you desired a relationship to the opposite sex or a friendship with anyone, and your feelings were not returned.  It hurts.  To feel a part of a group or establish any type of relationship, both sides must open up and communicate.  That is how we can feel intimate with God.

In the book “Experiencing God”¹, author Henry Blackaby devotes a chapter to how God pursues a love relationship with us.  There is one portion that pinches at my heart; yes, that is exactly how it feels.  Pastor Blackaby describes an encounter he had with one of his parishioners who was always having problems in his life; with work, family, etc. (wow, does that sound like me!)  When asked “Can you describe your relationship with God by sincerely saying, ‘I love You with all of my heart?’ “  This man couldn’t answer in the affirmative.  Even before opening the book and encountering this section this morning, God revealed to me the other day that it was essential I pursue this relationship with Him, and it came to me “Is this why these things are always happening to me?”  (I also need to develop more trust, but that is a topic to discuss at another time.)

I do love God, I have no doubt about that.  But do I love Him with all of my heart?  Do I pursue an intimate relationship with Him?  In conversing with God, I sometimes rush through prayer or put little thought of what I’m saying into that sacred time.  Sometimes when I read the Bible in the morning I allow distractions to take my thoughts elsewhere.  I find that when I put aside all distractions during reading, and when I first take a few moments of stilling my mind into concentration, my time with God feels more personal – more intimate and special.  I am closer to Him.

The sunshine seems brighter right now; colors seem more vivid.

A few of the things I’m thankful for today:

1. God reveals Himself to me each day.
2. God provides encouragement.
3. The Bible covers ALL topics.
4. I am glad for my sensitivity to all forms of life.
5. The greeters at church; I look forward to seeing their familiar smiling faces, and they care about me.
6. I got some produce at a food bank yesterday.
7. Iced tea
8. Experimenting in my garden
9. Burt’s Bees lip gloss
10. Texture and patterns in leaves and branches.
11. Variety in nature
12. I have a skill for writing.
13. I finally have a date for my appeal on receiving unemployment insurance. Whichever way it goes, I know God will provide.
14. My dwarf sunflowers are blooming

Have a great day everyone!

(1)  Henry Blackaby, Claude King. Experiencing God. Nashville, TN: Broadman and Holman, 1994.

The Key

image found at http://www.sunandmooncraftkits.com/vintage-style-key-set-7-unique-skeleton-keys.html

If you meet someone that you wish to have a close relationship with, what do you do?  The first key is to spend time with them; get to know them.  Through this you can develop a lasting relationship, building on trust and dependence.  You do the same things in building an intimate relationship with God.

Everyone needs to spend time in God’s word, when and where being up to each individual.  For me, I choose to do this first thing in the morning before the day can distract me and provide excuses.  To me, it just doesn’t seem right to not give God the first part of my time each day.  I would suggest that before reading, begin with prayer.  Ask God to be with you and reveal Himself and His will to you through the scriptures.  Select a verse from that day’s reading to think about during the day.

In spending time with God, do you include church time?  For several years I’ve had excuses to not belong to a church family:

• I’m unemployed; can’t afford to drive to church as I have to save on gas.
• I don’t like that pastor.
• I don’t trust a lot of churches.
• There is no ministry program in this church for an older single like me.

And on and on ….  Satan makes it easy to find excuses.  I am rejoining a church I belonged to several years ago, and while I have my own wishes as to how I can be involved there, I await God to show me His will.

Any relationship needs a lot of work, and I will continue to share with you my journey towards an intimate relationship with Him.

Just a few of the things I’m thankful for today:

1. I was greeted by a cheerful sunflower outside the kitchen window.
2. I love my container garden!
3. Late this afternoon I get to spend time in the community garden where I volunteer.
4. My old car keeps working.
5. The plants in my room
6. I found a new Monarch caterpillar outside; I love seeing nature at work through raising these precious pollinators.
7. Tonight is an extra distribution of produce at a nearby food bank.
8. The red geranium outside my window.
9. God provides.

Have a sunny and blessed day!

The Most Intimate Relationship

(image found on Google images)

When you think of loved ones who have passed, who are you most looking forward to seeing again when it is your time to return to God?  I miss my Grandma Cron; she is my guardian angel.  My father passed in 2008 at 91 and it will be so wonderful to see him.  And my cats – Mozart (2003), Jack and Bella (2009) and Sebastian (2014) – I’ll be overjoyed to be reunited with them.

But wait; I’ve got things mixed up.

Yesterday I read a blog by my niece, Danielle, which is about the most important and intimate relationship that each of us should have. (**See link below)  She wrote of how she had been putting her trust, attention, and love for her husband in God’s place.  Above your spouse, children, parents – and beloved pets – you need to be most excited to see God when it is your time to return to Him.

I have been through quite a few problems in the last few years, and I often wonder why these things keep happening to me.  “God, please stop!  Why do these things keep happening?”  Last year I heard Him loud and clear – Trust Me.  I had heard God speak.

Now, it is happening again.  I have been without employment and income for two months, and even with my depression medication, the anxiety is hard to control at times.  I remember Him speaking to me last year, and it controls that anxiety.  This morning I looked at Danielle’s blog again, and re-read her quote of a passage from “Voyage of the Dawn Treader,” part of the Narnia series by C.S. Lewis.  The following section from her blog tore at my heart:

~~~

C.S. Lewis provides such beautifully rich imagery in his Chronicles of Narnia series. A passage from the “The Voyage of the “Dawn Treader” resonates deeply within me. Eustace, a rotten and annoying boy, finds himself in possession of a huge fortune. Gold and rubies were everywhere and he couldn’t help but imagine a rich life and the new comforts he could enjoy in the midst of this treasure. He lies down in the midst of his vastly great possession, utterly satisfied and falls asleep.

While sleeping on a cache of gold and fortune with “greedy, dragonish thoughts in his heart,” he woke up and to his own terror he had become green personified… a dragon himself. He was transformed into a miserable, lonely beast, cut off from humanity. Over and over, he tried to scrape off the skin, but there was absolutely nothing he could do to shed his rough, scaly dragon skin.

In mercy and grace, Aslan the Lion appeared one night while he was lying helpless and hopeless. Aslan said to him, “You will have to let me undress you.” Eustace was afraid of Aslan’s claws, but he was terribly desperate. In anxiousness and humility Eustace lied down flat on his back for Aslan to undress him.

“The very first tear he made was so deep that I thought it had gone right into my heart. And when he began pulling the skin off, it hurt worse than anything I’ve ever felt. The only thing that made me able to bear it was just the pleasure of feeling the stuff peel off.

~~~

Wow – this is one of those lightning bolts from God.  God has trying to peel away the ungodly exterior to my soul.  Yes, I need to trust Him, and yes, I need to build a much more intimate relationship with Him.  But how do you do that?  Read scripture; pray; pray for the Holy Spirit to be with you for guidance; these are just the tip of the iceberg.  I may never know why I keep going through these things, but as I experience ache and pain, I know I am on the path to a more intimate relationship with Him.

A few of the things I’m thankful for this week:

1. God drawing me closer to Him.
2. Heavy rain on Saturday.
3. Heavy rain on Sunday.
4. My container veggie garden
5. Food banks
6. Shadow Mountain Community Church
7. Danielle
8. Desiree
9. Des’ pregnancy with triplets has safely to 30 weeks
10. I was a victim of fraud a couple weeks ago; the bank fraud detection people called me early on a Saturday morning to question some transactions.
11. My checking account was emptied, but I got it all back.
12. I get paid on Sunday for a house-sitting job.
13. My housemate brought me some treats.
14. Got some food at a church food bank last Saturday.
15. I found a recipe for some delicious banana bread; I’m not a fan of that fruit unless it is mixed into something.
16. I made a couple modifications to this recipe and IT WORKED! Delicious!!
17. There is an extra distribution at the food bank this Thursday evening – some produce.
18. My housemate paid me to help her with yard work.

I have a list of 22 things I want to blog about, but #23 will be part two of sharing my journey to a more intimate relationship with God.  Stay tuned!

** https://my10000reasons.wordpress.com/2015/07/21/cheating-on-my-husband-with-my-husband/

~~~

A Gentle Lightening Bolt

Lightning over San Diego

A Gentle Lightening Bolt

Have you ever wondered “Where did that come from?” in regards to the shift of conversation topics?  Or how a random thought came into your mind?  In my opinion, some of these come as a gentle lightning bolt from God.

For some time now – I can’t say how long exactly – I have felt a stronger sense of urgency in witnessing for God – my lightning bolt.  The world seems to be decaying at a stronger pace, and it greatly troubles my heart to see people I care about at risk for not returning to Him.  This came up again this past Sunday morning upon seeing a post in Facebook about Seattle’s plans for an edible forest garden.  I thought, “Wow, why doesn’t San Diego do something like that?  I need to petition government officials to do this” (another lightning bolt).  That thought somehow morphed into ways to spread the truth of God’s love – see what I mean?*  How weird was that?  It’s funny how an original thought changes into something else.

Some of us have a fear of speaking up, but we must.  And we must seek ways to spread His love and redemption beyond our verbal proclamations.  But how might we do that?  Here are a couple of my ideas:

• Does your local library system accept donations from the public? Purchase and donate  inspirational dvds and books, such as “Amazing Grace.”  The pastor of my church, Dr. David Jeremiah, has written numerous wonderful books, and would make excellent literary donations.  I am requesting the San Diego County Library purchase the dvd(s) for “A.D. – The Bible Continues” when it becomes available.
• Other books and dvds that have good moral fiber should also take more space within our personal libraries. Share them with friends and family.
• Does your church have any community outreach programs? Donate your time, and/or encourage the start of one for a cause that God has put within your heart.

What ideas do you have?  Please put them here; I’m just getting started on this list and would value your comments here.

Some of the things I’m thankful for this week:

1. God’s inspiration for taking action on witnessing and for helping my community.
2. The 4^th of July parade and potluck I was invited to in Coronado.
3. Desiree has been put on strict bedrest to encourage her triplets to stay in the oven a bit longer, but everyone continues to do well.
4. The ultrasound picture of one of the boys; the biggest grin on his face!
5. God’s enduring love and patience with me.
6. “John Adams” – a great dvd series put on by HBO. I got the set from the library.  Inspirational look at U.S. history.
7. Sunday started out overcast and cool; very welcome before a hot and humid day.
8. My housemate’s son brought his dog Foxy to be dog-sat for a couple days. What a sweet and loving girl!
9. The food ministry at church; it will help me.
10. Gas prices are going down.
11. God’s inspiration for taking action
12. One-hundred ten people were reached by my Facebook (“The Wildlife Gardener”) sharing of an article of Seattle installing a food forest. .
13. Feeling depressed this morning; was cheered by posts I saw in Facebook.
14. My friend Nick came over last night and we watched a movie then a little of “Shark Week.”

Have a blessed week everyone!  And don’t forget – I would greatly value your comments about your ways of sharing the Good News.