The Waiting Game — Finding God’s Purpose for Your Life

Enter “purpose” in the search bar in Brainy Quotes¹, and you might not be able to count the number of results.  I scrolled, and scrolled, and scrolled….and couldn’t find the end.  Two of my favorites that turned up on the first page are from controversial figures, Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and Joel Osteen.

• Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself, and know that everything in life has a purpose. There are no mistakes, no coincidences, all events are blessings given to us to learn from.   ~Kubler-Ross
• I believe that God has put gifts and talents and ability on the inside of every one of us. When you develop that and you believe in yourself and you believe that you’re a person of influence and a person of purpose, I believe you can rise out of any situation.   ~Osteen

Without purpose is one of the feelings I struggle with during the summer break after my first year as a substitute teacher’s aide, and not having summer employment.  I have been trying to obtain additional clients for my dog sitting business, and am attempting to return to my career as an Administrative Assistant.  Nada – nothing, and WOW have I been bored!  Even with many interests there is only so much I can do with no income and stretching out what I saved.  And under those conditions, try finding a new place to live.

Yeah, right.

We all struggle with feelings of worth, and that is why Mr. Osteen’s words are meaningful.  God has created each of us for a reason and purpose.  Scripture says:

• And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. Moreover who He predestined, these He also called; whom He called, these He also justified; and whom He justified, tese He also glorified.     Romans 8:28, 30
• … having made known to us the mystery of His will, according to is good pleasure which He purposed in Himself… Ephesians 1:9
• …who has saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works but according to His own purpose and grace which was given to us in Christ Jesus before time began.. 2 Timothy 1:9

After praying and surrendering the situation to God, I begin each day asking, “God, what do you want me to do today?”  The boredom and resulting feelings of depression and of being without purpose are nonsensical.  God most definitely has a reason for me being here!  Perhaps what it boils down to is being impatient.  I need to ask Him to grant me patience and calmness.  I need to ask “Is there something specific You need me to be doing that I have yet to start?”  Don’t expect to sit back and have God to do everything.  You have to deserve it and work for it!

image from Google search

Sometimes God needs us to wait.  Sometimes things happen quickly and sometimes they don’t.  One way to think of it is when you are saving for a new car, a deposit on a new apartment, or you’re going for that dream job.  When you work and save and learn, and you finally get there, don’t you appreciate it more?  You can never take it easy, and you can’t take those things for granted.  You’ve worked for it and you’ve deserved it.  God needs to know you will be appreciative and to treat His gift with respect.

God is developing you and developing the situation.  As Elizabeth Kubler-Ross said, get in touch with the silence.  You are in a waiting game, and God wants you to be the winner.

1. https://www.brainyquote.com/search_results.html?q=purpose

Words From My Heart

Sorry for my absence; things have been rather busy and messed up, and this is when blogging would have been quite useful.   I took some time off from job hunting, and now that I’m back to it depression has been especially hard to deal with.

A couple of weeks ago I took a typing test to obtain an official certificate for presenting to the school district for temp work they are interested in interviewing me for.  Sometimes lost is my middle name, and I got lost on my way there.  MAJOR panic attack and my heart beat so furiously that it seemed I was having a heart attack.   Fortunately I was allowed in despite being a bit late.

I was so distraught that I went to the administration building at my church after taking the test, and asked the receptionist for anyone available to pray for me.  The very kind woman that sat with me prayed, then urged that I go to the doctor to be on the safe side.  My blood pressure was off, and when the doctor at the clinic listened to my heart she heard an irregular heartbeat.  On the menu?  An EKG.  After consulting with another doctor they determined that I was not having a heart attack, but wrote a prescription for anxiety medication and wrote a referral for a cardiologist.  Unfortunately I now have to wait for MediCal to kick in before I can have that appointment.

Depression and anxiety are demons in my opinion.  It makes it so difficult to do everyday things, and often difficult to read the Bible or do what God needs me to do – that is why I feel they are demons.  I have two index cards on the closet door right by my desk and within site of the bed.  God is an encourager, and I greatly value these verses:

Never forget that God provides, and He will guard your heart during trials and tribulations.

Some of the things I am thankful for today include:

• Adult coloring books by Johanna Basford. The pages within are art in themselves, and coloring them provides peace and works I can turn into personal art.
• I qualify for MediCal.
• I was able to purchase some cool-season veggies for my fall garden.
• Lavender – I adore lavender for aromatherapy and in personal care products.
• I am glad it wasn’t a heart attack.
• God provides; I had the money to finally order new eyeglasses; learned that my new prescription is ½ power stronger.
• My housemate brought me an orchid that was going to be thrown out at the garden center – love having plants in my room.  It was nice that she thought of me.
• My mom called to see if I had money for October rent, and I do.
• The triplets are now 6 weeks old and are doing fabulous.
• My niece and nephew-in-law have lots of volunteers so that they can get some rest.
• Stunning blue sky as I type this

I need to finish getting ready for my volunteer job at the seminary, so will close for now.  Please comment anytime you wish!

Dazed and Confused

This particular blog is a bit uncomfortable for me to write.  I want to admit an error, and admit to some weaknesses.

A couple months ago I wrote about “The Next Phase.”  When God told me that it was time for my life to take a new direction, I should have spent considerable time asking what steps I should take.  I needed to wait silently on the Lord, keeping my mind and heart open to His will.  I haven’t been doing that.

Over these past two months I have been consumed with job hunting and fighting my past employer’s claim that I shouldn’t receive unemployment compensation.  I’ve known that He will provide, and through faith I will win through Christ.  With depression it is sometimes extremely difficult to battle doubt and not be overwhelmed with fear and do the things I should do.  The appeal hearing was on Friday, and while I won’t know the judge’s decision until word comes by mail, I feel from God that it will be in my favor.  When I find out I will share it with you and the full story.

In the meantime, my thoughts need to turn back to what the next steps should be.  Yesterday while volunteering in the community garden, I asked God to enter my mind and heart and tell me what I should do.  I need to study Him and bone-up on my horticulture knowledge.  And I need to wait some more.  I chose the picture above from Google images because at times my life seems to be like these wandering, confused footsteps.  God will straighten them out and send me on the right path.

Some of the things I’m thankful for today:

1. I was able to pay rent for August.
2. I’m meeting some nice people while volunteering at the community garden.
3. It wasn’t hot while I worked.
4. I am beginning to see ways I can contribute during my volunteer time.
5. There are three Monarch caterpillars in my mesh cage outside. It is such a blessing to witness this part of creation.
6. My friend Hilary and I will be talking on Skype later.
7. This Thursday is another food bank distribution.
8. God provides me with strength.
9. Church was awesome last night.
10. I’ve had a lot of trouble sleeping lately, and the past couple Saturdays I’ve dozed off in church. I didn’t get sleepy last night.
11. With depression, I sometimes can’t do things I should do, or that I normally do. Yesterday I got my room back into shape.
12. Gardening is therapy; I get to do therapy here today.
13. At a doctor appointment recently, I received a referral for mental therapy. This week I received a call from the appointment desk, and upon hearing that I have no insurance, the clerk signed me up for a program in which I pay just $4 per visit.  I had my first session this week, with someone I’ve seen before and whom I like.
14. Earlier in the week I met an adorable 6 year old and her 3 year old brother. I chatted with them and she was so excited to show me where her baby teeth came out.
15. When her family had to leave, she called out “Bye, Gail! You are so pretty and so cool!!”

Have a good week everyone!  I send my prayers out for you.

The Most Intimate Relationship

(image found on Google images)

When you think of loved ones who have passed, who are you most looking forward to seeing again when it is your time to return to God?  I miss my Grandma Cron; she is my guardian angel.  My father passed in 2008 at 91 and it will be so wonderful to see him.  And my cats – Mozart (2003), Jack and Bella (2009) and Sebastian (2014) – I’ll be overjoyed to be reunited with them.

But wait; I’ve got things mixed up.

Yesterday I read a blog by my niece, Danielle, which is about the most important and intimate relationship that each of us should have. (**See link below)  She wrote of how she had been putting her trust, attention, and love for her husband in God’s place.  Above your spouse, children, parents – and beloved pets – you need to be most excited to see God when it is your time to return to Him.

I have been through quite a few problems in the last few years, and I often wonder why these things keep happening to me.  “God, please stop!  Why do these things keep happening?”  Last year I heard Him loud and clear – Trust Me.  I had heard God speak.

Now, it is happening again.  I have been without employment and income for two months, and even with my depression medication, the anxiety is hard to control at times.  I remember Him speaking to me last year, and it controls that anxiety.  This morning I looked at Danielle’s blog again, and re-read her quote of a passage from “Voyage of the Dawn Treader,” part of the Narnia series by C.S. Lewis.  The following section from her blog tore at my heart:

~~~

C.S. Lewis provides such beautifully rich imagery in his Chronicles of Narnia series. A passage from the “The Voyage of the “Dawn Treader” resonates deeply within me. Eustace, a rotten and annoying boy, finds himself in possession of a huge fortune. Gold and rubies were everywhere and he couldn’t help but imagine a rich life and the new comforts he could enjoy in the midst of this treasure. He lies down in the midst of his vastly great possession, utterly satisfied and falls asleep.

While sleeping on a cache of gold and fortune with “greedy, dragonish thoughts in his heart,” he woke up and to his own terror he had become green personified… a dragon himself. He was transformed into a miserable, lonely beast, cut off from humanity. Over and over, he tried to scrape off the skin, but there was absolutely nothing he could do to shed his rough, scaly dragon skin.

In mercy and grace, Aslan the Lion appeared one night while he was lying helpless and hopeless. Aslan said to him, “You will have to let me undress you.” Eustace was afraid of Aslan’s claws, but he was terribly desperate. In anxiousness and humility Eustace lied down flat on his back for Aslan to undress him.

“The very first tear he made was so deep that I thought it had gone right into my heart. And when he began pulling the skin off, it hurt worse than anything I’ve ever felt. The only thing that made me able to bear it was just the pleasure of feeling the stuff peel off.

~~~

Wow – this is one of those lightning bolts from God.  God has trying to peel away the ungodly exterior to my soul.  Yes, I need to trust Him, and yes, I need to build a much more intimate relationship with Him.  But how do you do that?  Read scripture; pray; pray for the Holy Spirit to be with you for guidance; these are just the tip of the iceberg.  I may never know why I keep going through these things, but as I experience ache and pain, I know I am on the path to a more intimate relationship with Him.

A few of the things I’m thankful for this week:

1. God drawing me closer to Him.
2. Heavy rain on Saturday.
3. Heavy rain on Sunday.
4. My container veggie garden
5. Food banks
6. Shadow Mountain Community Church
7. Danielle
8. Desiree
9. Des’ pregnancy with triplets has safely to 30 weeks
10. I was a victim of fraud a couple weeks ago; the bank fraud detection people called me early on a Saturday morning to question some transactions.
11. My checking account was emptied, but I got it all back.
12. I get paid on Sunday for a house-sitting job.
13. My housemate brought me some treats.
14. Got some food at a church food bank last Saturday.
15. I found a recipe for some delicious banana bread; I’m not a fan of that fruit unless it is mixed into something.
16. I made a couple modifications to this recipe and IT WORKED! Delicious!!
17. There is an extra distribution at the food bank this Thursday evening – some produce.
18. My housemate paid me to help her with yard work.

I have a list of 22 things I want to blog about, but #23 will be part two of sharing my journey to a more intimate relationship with God.  Stay tuned!

** https://my10000reasons.wordpress.com/2015/07/21/cheating-on-my-husband-with-my-husband/

~~~

Bumps in the Road

A local church has as part of its website free classified ads, and one of the first things I did after losing my job last week was to post an ad for my little pet and plant care business. A few days later I received an email response from a man needing help caring for his horses when he travels. I was delighted! I have loved horses since a very young age, and a number of years ago took riding lessons. I have no experience in caring for these magnificent creatures, but suggested that we meet on my dime and spend some time with the horses so that he can judge my abilities.

If any of you have had bad experiences with online maps, you will appreciate this story.

I turned this way and that, called him multiple times, and at one point he stayed with me on the phone as I drove VERY slowly along a gravel and broken asphalt road. Finally we gave up for the day and agreed to meet next week at a point from which I would follow him to get to the ranch.

Turning around I crept even more slowly along the road, the ruts seeming to threaten the axles as the car swayed. Twice a fast moving vehicle came up behind me and I waved them around, shaking my head at their ability to move at that speed. Finally I returned to regular pavement, and at that point I saw a sign saying “County maintained road ends.” Though driving alone, out loud I exclaimed while pointing behind me…

“THAT’S maintained??”

In life we all encounter bumps in the road. Sometimes it is hard to see beyond the difficulty, and sometimes we can laugh about it later. My experience on that road yesterday and response to the sign I can now chuckle about. The current bump (more like mountain) in the road for me of unemployment is a different matter, and I woke this morning with fear in my heart. That is the work of the devil. I know God will care for me, and He has taken me to smooth paths after even more difficult times. I know I will get temp work and get jobs from my little side business, and I know He will bring me to a better and permanent job.

Some of the things I’m thankful for today:

1. The car made it safe and sound off that terrible road.
2. No rocks were thrown into my windshield from the passing vehicles.
3. It’s funny taking care of a friend’s chickens while the family is on vacation. They were beginning to squabble for breakfast while I typed this blog, and whenever I go out there they begin to jump about as they see me approach.
4. The sun woke me this morning.
5. The morning birdsong at my friend’s house is amazingly varied.
6. I had a good night sleep.
7. The beautiful bouquet of flowers on my friend’s dining table.
8. A few friends are taking me out tonight for dinner and a concert in celebration of my birthday tomorrow.
9. Though I can’t afford the trip to Big Bear as I had planned for tomorrow, which included horseback riding, I know God will give me better times ahead and my new year will be full of blessings and adventure.
10. “Green Inheritance” – a book I have on loan from the library. It gives me further inspiration to care for His creations and to encourage others to do the same.
11. My housemate had to call a plumber yesterday to fix a problem in the kitchen, but it was far less expensive than she thought it would be.
12. My heart feels blessed whenever I write this blog.

Have a wonderful weekend everyone!

P.S. The proper route to the ranch will NOT involve that road again!

Many a joke has been made about men not asking for directions. In YouTube, type “asking for directions” and you will find videos of pranks, how to ask for help in another language, and even a funny video of a tourist asking a bison for directions.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=59fUU9QDEWI

Do you ever ask God for direction?

In my last post I wrote of “The Next Phase.” Whether you are unwillingly thrust into a new phase of your life or you seek that new phase, bewilderness sometimes sets in. Our reactions vary: “What do I do? What steps should be taken? HELP!! ” Sometimes we just do whatever comes to mind first; oh, that’s a good way to get lost, to not make progress!

That last one is basically what I’ve done. Sitting at the computer, I prod through the internet looking for positions, applying at temp agencies, scan ads, and sigh in despair at a location that requires me to enter my resume by uploading AND by entering text.   It took an hour to apply for a job with them! In this day and age it is a rare company which allows you to walk in, apply, and make a face-to-face connection as you seek employment. I now sit here shaking my head at myself – isn’t that what God is asking me to do? Make a connection with Him and ask for direction?

Today I’m going to spend time alone with Him and ask for guidance in this next phase. He has amazing and wonderful plans for me, and all I have to do is ask for direction.

Some of the things I am thankful for today:

1. Jesus Geeks – a ministry at The Rock Church in San Diego. Just as I began my job search, my laptop was beset with viruses and other problems. On Monday nights they have a computer repair workshop, and for what you are able to donate, problems are fixed. My laptop is now clean as a whistle.
2. The gift of writing – He is guiding me to be a good writer and spread His word. Who knows; perhaps that is part of my next phase!
3. Cowles Mountain – a great hiking area nearby and a great place to think.
4. Lake Murray – another part of Mission Trails Regional Park. It is a paved walking path of several miles.
5. I start a housesitting job tomorrow.
6. That overlaps with the start of a month-long housesitting job.
7. I received a compliment about my writing.
8. Desiree’s pregnancy continues to go very well. The triplets may put her on bedrest soon, but she has many people to help.
9. “New Tricks.” This is a long-running BBC series about a detective who recruits retired officers to help her solve the unsolved. I love it, and can get the dvd’s from the library.
10. The theme song for that series is great.  “…..teach an old dog new tricks…”
11. Pinterest – I admit it – I’m hooked!
12. One of my favorite fruits, cherries, will be on sale this week.

Well, I’m off for my hike. Have a great day, and don’t forget to ask Him for direction!